So this is a random story I had written long ago and forgotten about since then. Its a story of a girl (you could say its autobiographical) and...well I guess just read and find out:
Revolving doors of life
You know that weird feeling you get when things just don’t seem to be working out. It’s that weird phase in life when you feel unimportant, fat, ugly, and stupid and pretty much every other negative and un-flattering thing that one can feel about oneself. It’s that time when you think back to the clichéd Hindi film dialogue of “I must have done something bad in my previous janam and this is my karma”. Most of you women might be thinking, yes of course I know that feeling, I get it every month, I call it PMS. For me, however, I call it my life, in general. I am not a sadist or under-confident or self-conscious, just unlucky. I do not exaggerate when I say that nothing in my life ever seems to go right, I really am serious about that. Nothing in my life ever works out the way I start out planning it. You know how they say when one door closes another opens? Well in my case it’s the other way around, if one door opens then the other most definitely will close. Here let me give you some examples.
More than half my life now, I have weighed at least a few pounds more than what I should for my age and height. At the ripe age of 21 extra mass is not always looked upon favorably. But somehow I managed to work around it and definitely do not undermine myself any longer for weighing a little more than most of my friends. However the even bigger tragedy of my life is that I happen to look like my father. Now my father is a very handsome man, who even now at his unmentionable age can make some of my friends swoon, but the point is that he is a handsome man and I am unfortunately his daughter and not his son. Being a straight female and looking like a handsome man are not always healthy for a girl’s love life.
As if that were not enough, my life as a whole is a complicated mess. I started college being inspired by ER and wanting to marry Dr. Carter. My desi (as in Indian or Asian Indian American if you prefer to be technical) parents, as awesome and sometimes non-desi as they are, figured medicine or biology might just be my calling and being 18 and in love with Dr. Carter (as already mentioned), I thought sure, yes I will become a doctor until chemistry happened. Chemistry dried out my passion for medicine and even for Carter. Chemistry was like a quicksand for my life, it kept dragging me into a deeper and deeper pile of shit until I was completely sucked in and couldn’t get out. And now, well in a couple of months, I will be graduating with a degree in neuroscience and a confused maybe even a missing passion for life.
So as you can see my life so far has been somewhat of a train wreck and considering the fact that I will be graduating in a few months, I needed to be rescued and inspired, pronto! This is where my story takes a turn and it turns so fast that I am still recovering from the whiplash of it.
So, one random day in January I am basking in the warmth of the sun (a very rare phenomenon in West Lafayette during January) in front of the PMU, when all of a sudden a huge dark shadow falls on my face. I look up and find myself looking at the most beautiful human being I have ever seen. He was tall, 6 something I am sure. He had an amazing body; I could tell even through his many winter layers and that smile, it would make even Brad Pitt jealous. As for the rest of his face, I mean seriously does it even matter? So anyways as I keep staring, my McDreamy (unoriginal I know but can I help it if that was the only way I could describe him) says, “hi Arinha right? I am Nick from your chemistry lab. I overheard you solving that problem today in lab and I was really impressed. I was wondering, do you think maybe you can help me out with this class a little bit, I mean I am seriously struggling. If you want I could even pay you for your time. So what do you say?”
Ummm I don’t know, what the hell do you say? “uh yah sure!” even though I know I suck (pun intended) at chemistry or do I say “I am really sorry but what happened today in lab is a freak accident and I am really not that great at chemistry myself” even though this is my very own McDreamy, as in the guy of my dreams, hotter than all hell, catch of a lifetime, love of one’s life (well maybe not love but lust definitely). So after an awkward moment (for him mostly I am happy just staring at him in silence) I say, “I am really flattered and I would love to help you out but considering I am not the greatest at chemistry myself maybe instead of doing a tutoring thing we can do study sessions before exams and stuff and that way we can both help each other out. What do you say?” I said that, I really said that to the guy I have been crushing on every waking and sleeping moment of my life since the day that I first saw him.
That I believe was the exact moment when my luck suddenly began to change. McDreamy happily obliged and whole heartedly agreed with my proposition. But as I said when one door opens in my life another closes. I mean yes I was given the dream opportunity of being in close proximity of the man of my thoughts whenever I so desired but suddenly I had to figure out a way to tackle the biggest challenge of my entire college career, hell the biggest challenge of my entire life, I had to figure out chemistry!
Okay no need to panic, panicking isn’t going to help. I needed to strategize and tackle this like an intelligent and hard working college student. So what exactly do intelligent and hard working people do? They research and read and practice (advice from my super-humanly intelligent IIT-ian dad).
Ok so that’s easy right, I mean there must only be like a million books about chemistry so what’s the big deal right? I just have to focus and I can do this…for McDreamy…absolutely I can do this. While researching for the doggone subject I realized that I must really be stupid because I just didn’t seem to get it. What the heck was wrong with me? I was researching, practicing even reading the god forsaken subject. I was spending more than just a few hours, I was staying up nights to figure this stuff out but somehow my brain just refused to absorb any form of chemical anything. Maybe I was just not born with the “understanding chemistry” gene. I mean my amazingly intelligent mother and even my super-humanly intelligent IIT-ian dad were not exactly smooth in the chemistry department themselves. So yet again door opening and door closing happen as a simultaneous phenomenon in my life; only in my life it happens in the reverse order…the door opens and then the same door closes. But I refused to let the door close this time…I stuck out my foot and put all my bodyweight…even the extra ones…to keep this stubborn door open.
This time around I realized maybe I am not that much on the heavier side as I thought…because this time around I needed some more bodyweight to keep the door open…in other words I needed HELP!!!!! So how hard can that be???? I mean there are only some 2000 kids in my class…a lot of them with As and some of them even dreamier than my McDreamy. So all I had to do was go and ask and I am sure one of them would be more than willing to help. But umm did I mention my lack of social skills???? Yah so I don’t do so well with strangers you see…I cant just randomly make friends with people or ask for help or just you know be social in general. What the hell McDreamy was total worth all this…I mean he’s the lust of my life….now how often does that come around right? I can do this…just remember the door is closing and I have to keep it open…McDreamy!!!!
So I am at recitation and I look around the room…blondes…jocks…McDreamy; it was as if I was cursed with the hottest boilermakers as my lab mates…under normal circumstances I would be more than happy just ogling at them but right now I was praying fervently for one just one normal, un-god looking mortal other than my foreign language speaking TA in the class. Finally I found him…he was kind of sitting in the corner…actual right next to me…he wasn’t exactly unattractive, he just had on glasses which made him a little less perfect and a bit more approachable than the rest of the lot. So I smile at him (I am told that that’s my best feature…so I guess now’s the time to put to test) and ask him if he figured out how to solve the problem…he smiles back (he has a really cute smile and dimples), nods and then delves right back into his notebook. Ok so he’s not much of talker…that could work. So again I smile at him (it seems to be working) and ask him if maybe he could help me out ‘cause I am kind of stuck. Again no words, just a smile and a nod...maybe he’s mute now that could be a serious problem if he’s to be my chemistry savior. But before I could get into panic mode…the dude finally spoke…and somehow magically transformed the initially “what the hell is this” chemistry problem into a “oh that’s it” chemistry problem. Suddenly I could see the bright halo over his head and white angel wings jutting out from his shoulder…my savior had arrived!!!
So after that amazing realization struck me I asked …actually more like begged…Damien (my savior) to share his bodyweight in keeping the door (McDreamy door) open for me. With his amazing smile and non-existent verbal skills Damien agreed to help. The next few weeks were bliss. Chemistry and I were getting along fabulously. I felt like Cinderella who was being transformed for a chemical ball (namely my chemistry final, which was worth a crazy percentage of my grade) and Damien was my chemical godfather. As the weeks went by I slowly forgot about doors (opened or closed), I forgot about being confused or challenged in life and I even almost forgot about McDreamy (almost as in I made sure we had study sessions almost every night so I could stare at him idiotically) I was totally carried away with overcoming the biggest challenge of my life. Suddenly medical school wasn’t looking so distant and that dried up passion for Carter was definitely getting a lot less dry.
Finally the day of the “ball” arrived and guess what?!?!? I got a “B”!!! I mean I never got more than a “F”…if I was lucky a “D” in chemistry and I got a “B”!!!!!!! it was amazing…even my professor was impressed…and promised to write me a glowing recommendation if I ever needed one. McDreamy was awed as well…and he actually said and I quote “I wish I were as smart as you”. If he only knew!!!
So I graduated with a decent enough GPA to apply and be eligible for medical school. I am best friends with my chemical godfather Damien. I still dream about McDreamy and definitely still consider him the “lust of my life”. And the weird thing is now I am a chemistry geek and while I am anxiously waiting to hear from UCSF, I spend my valuable free-time (the only free time I’ll get in a very long time) tutoring high-school and college kids in chemistry. Ah…the irony of life!!! Thanks McDreamy…
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